Pastoral Colleagues, Clients and Friends,
For years, the Church has proclaimed its strong commitment to preserving marriages and partnerships while ignoring one of its primary killers: “Everyday 3 women are killed by an intimate partner in the United States” (Violence Policy Center). Working to save women from that fate became a mission for Denise Brown, the sister of Nicole Brown Simpson:
“I want to talk to every victim out there, before it’s too late,” Brown told ABC News’ Diane Sawyer as Domestic Violence Awareness Month begins. “You don’t want to end up like Nicole.”
First, let’s get a little clearer about the concept of domestic violence. The U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ) defines domestic violence as “a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. It encompasses any actions that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.” Not only is domestic violence considered a crime in all 50 states, a Declaration on the Elimination of Violence against Women (DEVAW) was adopted by the UN General Assembly in 1993, explicitly declaring violence against women in the family and community as a violation of human rights.
Rev. Al Miles a clergyman and advocate for victims emphasizes that domestic and intimate partner violence occurs within religious communities just as frequently as in secular society—stating that “there are survivors and perpetrators in both pews and pulpits.” He further points out that religious institutions often minimize abuse about victims and foster entitlement toward perpetrators creating a dangerous chasm between what we say we believe and how we ctually respond. Psychologist Jennifer Freyd, Founder of the Center for Institutional Courage calls this dissonance DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Offender and Victim. This response re-victimizes victims, aborts accountability for offenders and denies healing for all parties involved.
Miles continues his conversation with clergy challenging the misuse of biblical texts to justify abuse, noting that scripture does not grant a partner the right to commit violence or dominate another. He warns that standard couples or marriage counseling is dangerous and counterproductive when active domestic violence is present, urging clergy to recognize abuse as a pattern of power and control rather than a simple communication or anger issue. Rev. Miles advises that pastors are not “superpowers” and must educate themselves, establish safety plans, and collaborate directly with trained local domestic violence agencies and shelters (www.interfaithpartners.org).
Where to begin? First acknowledge no church is immune. Presbyterian pastor James Poling suggests over 1/3 of the people sitting in the pews on a Sunday morning have either experienced domestic violence or know someone who has. That statistic has escalated since Covid. In KY law violence includes physical injury, serious physical injury, sexual abuse, strangulation, stalking, assault, or the infliction of fear of imminent physical injury between family members or members of an unmarried couple. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, call The Center for Women and Families (Louisville area) or 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START (88788). Or visit the Domestic Violence Intake Center (600 W. Jefferson Street, Ste 1150) to get information, make a criminal complaint or an emergency protection order.
As a clergyperson, counselor and advocate, I urge you to intersect with local authorities and resources to advise and inform responses as Church desiring to do the justice of Jesus. A few opportunities during this Domestic Violence Awareness Months here in Louisville include:
1. Center for Children and Families is offering a Lunch & Learn on Domestic Violence and Workplace Response (Thursday, October 8, 12:00 PM – 1:15 PM). Or download this handbook:
2. Speak Their Names Annual Domestic Violence Memorial Service (Tuesday, October 27, 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM) – A memorial service held at Jefferson Square Park in Louisville to honor local victims of intimate partner violence.
3. Heine Brothers Coffee Day Fundraiser (Friday, October 30, 6:30 AM – 6:30 PM) – A community fundraiser day.
Above all be attentive: if anyone in your Church discloses domestic violence, listen without judgement or taking sides. Access informed local resources whose job it is to respond without inflicting further harm. And help another (or yourself) to escape the violence that is a crime, a violation of human rights and a disfiguration of what it means to be created in the image of God.
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